.C'mon Jesus... just this one thing.

I used to joke that Jesus' favorite football team was the New York Giants.

Why?

Because I gave in "to the dangerous temptation to take the Jesus of the Bible and twist Him into a version of Jesus [I was] more comfortable with." [Platt]

I wanted "A Jesus Who is fine with nominal devotion that does not infringe on [my] comforts." [Platt]

I wanted to "gather in [my] church building and sing and lift up [my] hands in worship..." [Platt] to me.

This may not make a lot of sense to anyone who reads this, but if you knew my heart... it did not ache for Africa, it ached for the Meadowlands... it was not desperate for the Scriptures, it was desperate for giants.com... it did not yearn to find followers of Christ, it yearned to make converts to my beloved royal blue NY. In fact, my daughter recognized a Giants logo long before she recognized the cross.
Friends, I have been crying out to God, what can I sacrifice that I have not already given... so today, I will go home and gather my Eli Manning football, my Lawrence Taylor Jersey, my Tiki Barber prints, my Harry Carson hat, and my Jeremy Shockey helmet... the symbols of my former allegiance... and I... [without exaggeration I paused here to think... I wish it were not true] give it all away. Our school is putting on an auction to support Christian education... may God bless the sale of my idolatry.

Forgive me for my sin, I am so foolish to see it as anything valuable in light of You.

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.Last Night, I Visited Hell... Again.

Through the wonder of the World Wide Web, I visited hell once again... and I was not prepared to handle what I saw... Then again, Who is?

I walked into my house and my wife sat me down and said, "You have to read this (click to read)..."

I was confronted with the reality that while I sit in A/C in the summer... heat in the winter... while I have bemoaned the 10 pounds I put on this summer from the "stress"... this woman sat in her own feces in a ramshackle broken-down hut starving for 10 years.

She is 23 years old and weighs 37 pounds... PEOPLE OF GOD, I CANNOT SEE THE KEYS OF MY KEYBOARD BETWEEN TEARS, BECAUSE THIS IS WRONG!

God, open my eyes to the reality that I am blessed. Help me to see how incredibly blessed I am... and shake me for Your glory. I cannot be blind to it anymore... it makes me sick... not her, ME! God, I am sorry I never cared... I'm sorry...

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.At the Heart of the Gospel.

The heart of the Gospel... the heart of my Savior.

I realized for the first time the other day that there are two things planted deeply within the heart of God... Marriage and Adoption.

For some reason, it had never occured to me before now how much God cares about those two things...

On the one hand, here I am, the filthy whore, standing before my Knight in shining armor.

I shutter to picture it: How must my pathetic plea sound?
I am sorry I slept with him again... he just treats me so nice... I know there has never been anyone who cares for me like you... but it makes me feel good to be with him... {I just threw up in my mouth a little.}

On the other hand, God reaches down and looks at my poor impoverished condition, and says... I want to make you My son.

And here I am, with nothing to offer on either account... No way to bring glory to me... All I can do is point to my Creator and say "Glory to God... Glory to God, forever..."

It's no wonder marriages are falling apart everywhere, it makes sense that there are 147 million orphans...

Why? Because we're comfortable...

God, send revival... in me.

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.You win, I lose.

Ever find yourself in the midst of one of those freshman-year-of-college debates... You know, the kind that both parties dramatically oppose one another. Both walk into the conversation "right," only to storm off angry two hours later all the more sure that they were right! (Of course, chased down with two days of awkward silence.)

If you can't tell: I am a recovering addict of verbal battles.
Today, I am ready to admit it, you win, I lose.

One of those perpetual battles I have engaged in for years finds its grounding in being "different from the world." So, you ask, which side were you on? It's complicated. Yes, we are to be different, but difference with the parties I was debating has always been defined as retroactive by ten years... We can do it as long as we are 10-20 years behind what the world sees as "en vogue." (by my count, that makes hair metal a viable option for praise and worship)

So Here's where I went wrong... In pursuing the truth that this argument is foolish, I missed the Truth. I should be different.

When I think about the fact that Christ calls us to a life that leads to persecution, it doesn't exactly inspire within me a "I can't wait" attitude. In fact, my lack of desire for trial and difficulty has left me willing to be satisfied by a life of doing... Nothing.

Platt puts it this way:

Maybe this is why we sit back and settle for a casual relationship with Christ and routine religion in the church. It is safe there, and the world likes us there. The world likes us when we are pursuing everything they are pursuing, even if we do put a Christian label on it. As long as Christianity looks like the American dream we will have few problems in the world.

Whoa... Wait a minute... The world doesn't take issue with me because I am not different.
Maybe the reason I don't see loads of converts to Christ by the way I live in front of them because we have the same religion... Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness.

Jim Elliot said of America that, "their condemnation is written on their bank books and in the dust on their Bible covers."

I am not a political person... this is not an anti-American rant... This is about one thing:
As I stand before the God of all creation, I want Him to see something different... for HIS glory!

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I have been reading the David Platt book Radical... It is amazing how a person can pick up a book and be so transformed... It is almost as though God walks before and sets up every minute detail into our life before we are anywhere near it. (I am a bit sarcastic, so if you didn't catch it... HE DOES DO THAT!)

So here I am, reading the book when I find myself completely broken by a concept that is earth shattering, but not new! It is the reality that Christ, in the Garden of Gethsemane cried to the point of sweating tears of the reality of the "cup."

And what is that cup?

It is the cup of God's wrath.

This is what Jesus is recoiling from in the Garden. All God's holy wrath and hatred toward sin and sinners, stored up since the beginning of the world, is about to be poured out on Him, and He is sweating blood at the thought of it.

What happened at the cross was not primarily about nails being thrust into Jesus' hands and feet but about the wrath due your sin and my sin being thrust upon His soul. In that holy moment, all the righteous wrath and justice of God due us came rushing down like a torrent on Christ Himself. Some say, "Good looked down and could not bear to see what the suffering that the soldiers were inflicting on Jesus, so He turned away." But this is not true. God turned away because He could not bear to see your sin and my sin on His Son.

(from Radical, by David Platt)

If that is not enough to rock your world little is... And to be honest, yesterday I was struggling with some real shame. I know that the shame was not of God, because that is not how He works... but sometimes an honest evaluation of yourself is hard to swallow.

So today I have rejected shame and embraced Romans 7:24-8:2.

"O wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? I thank
God-through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, with the mind I myself serve the law
of God, but with the flesh the law of sin. There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the Spirit. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has made me free from the law of sin and death."

Thank You God... Thank You Jesus... I am FREE! Spirit, Lead me.

I am not a blogger... but God has been captivating my heart in ways that I cannot deny! So, I must put it out there.

For weeks my wife and I have been wrestling with Truth. Our conversations go back and forth. I realize time and again that we are talking in circles... because we are captivated! My wife and my eyes have been opened to the Truth that God cares for orphans and widows, and that He has called us (everyone who is adopted as a son or daughter of the Almighty Creator of the Universe) to nurture the fatherless and comfort the husband less.

Growing up, I remember time and again when my family would see images of starving kids in Africa. I remember the words, "those kids are already dead" and "that agency gives pennies on the dollar to starving children." Honestly, that meant: "I don't have to do anything." Recently it struck me... better that a starving child get pennies on the dollar than the nothing I gave.

I am not advocating that we support deceitful agencies that lie and steal... However, I am advocating that we do just a little research... Support Compassion International, or a local homeless shelter, or an adoptive family, or something ANYTHING.

I sit here weeping as I write this, because I did nothing for too long and I am ashamed... But here me: I AM CHANGED...

Here is a nugget of Truth that we should all embrace: True Religion never adds up to zero... zero money invested, zero time spent, zero prayers prayed, zero tears cried... If you add it up and you're at zero... you DON'T HAVE True Religion!