Wednesday, May 04, 2011

.Following through with "I Do" {his}.

I thought it would be fun to take the time to write an accompanying post to my wife's "Following Through with 'I do'"

The first question posed was:

What are the wife's responsibilities to her husband?
You can go here to see her response.

I am going to tackle the question: What are the husband's responsibilities to his wife?

Wow, talk about a softball. This question can be narrowed down to just one word: Leadership.

Men, you want to captivate a woman's heart? You want her to want to follow you anywhere, you want her to consider you manly, smart, funny, dare I say, sexy? None of these things are accomplished by reading up on her likes/dislikes, you can't do it by quoting her favorite line in a movie, not by running a marathon, or lifting a truck off its axels, or even by wearing that pheromone-enhancing cologne.

Some of you say: "If I did that, she'd be impressed." (insert buzzer sound)

If you are a man she could follow to the ends of the earth, then she would readily swoon at almost any ridiculous act of manliness you could come up with... {Really}.

I have seen the homeliest, most disheveled, wimpy men captivate the hearts of women... and I have talked with the strongest, hairiest, burley, good looking men who couldn't convince any girl to give him the time of day.



What does this leadership involve?

Ephesians 5:25-33
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her,

A leader is sacrificial. Christ-like love is not self-serving. It is not an opportunity to have your ego stroked, or even doing something with the thought that you may get something in return!! (Let's be honest, this is a huge problem for us, men.) Love is not sex... Love is leading your wife by putting her needs, wants, desires above your own while filtering them through the Scriptures. That does not work if you are ignorant concerning Scripture. It does not work if you have "wants" that consistently trump your wife's.

So how do my needs get met? This is every man's objection, right? Who's gonna take care of me? This is tricky. One, a Christ-like leader is not looking for something in return. (What value do you add to Christ?) Two, although this should not motivate you, if you are leading in this way, it is very likely your wife will follow... and your needs will be met far beyond your foolish manipulation.

that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself.

A Leader is a guardian. Listen men, when you got married you did not trade in your college roommate for someone that is equally as fun, but you can do way cooler things with. You are a protector of this woman. I was told in my premarital counseling to treat my wife as an antique vase. That meant, to guard her, keep her clean, protect her value from outside influences that may deteriorate her... My wife will say every once in a while when I tease her and treat her a bit like a college buddy, "I am a vase." It's her way to say, "hey, that's not okay... "

Men, we tend to be so incredibly selfish that we lose sight of what all this looks like. Let me put it this way: Think of your most prized possession... maybe it is a Babe Ruth autographed baseball... how would you treat it? Would you say... hey, this thing looks like fun, grab your mitt and start tossing it around outside in the rain with your eight year old son? Nope. You would encase it in glass and carefully think of everything you let influence it... dust, sunlight, cleaning agents, its proximity to little ones. That is the kind of care and attention we should be giving our wives. Men, we need to always ask: "How will that increase or decrease her value in the sight of God?" Sometimes that means saying no to things she likes, like Desperate Housewives. Sometimes its pushing her to attend a women's Bible study, sometimes its setting aside a time for her to do her devotions amidst the chaos of family life... However it looks, it's your job, and your accountable to God for how you are guarding your wife.

For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

A Leader does right. Men, there is a reason that this passage is redundant. We are dumb. You can read this, agree with me, walk away and do stupid thing after stupid thing. One of the coolest things I have embraced is something I picked up from a business leadership book (Monday Morning Leadership). It is the "Do Right Principle." It is the idea that in every situation, there is a right thing to do. It often is not hard to know what is right, it is often just hard to do what is right.

Here is the bottom line: You can't know what is right if you're not biblically grounded and you can't/ won't do what is right if you are not committed to leading your wife by sacrificing for her and guarding her.

Men, you wanna be that Marlboro Man you think every woman wants? Be the leader God has called you to be, and in your wife's eyes, he won't hold a candle to you!

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Tiffany said...

I love that I can honestly say that you don't just write this, but you live it. It is my joy to be your wife! I love you.

Jessica said...


Bethany said...

Thanks for sharing you thoughts! I love all of this advice that Roger and I are getting. Advice that is Biblical and lived out is sometimes hard to find and I know you and Tiffany try your hardest to live out these words. Thanks again :)

brandy said...

WOW! This is my first time reading your blog... I read your wife's often!
:) Awesome!

A Gracious Home said...

My husband and I have been married 47 years. I enjoyed your post. We have been Christians since we were kids. Marriage is a lot of work even if you are a Christian. Our main rule to live by is to treat one another, our children and everyone with respect. Our children are grown and they still tease us about being a Leave It To Beaver Family. Doylene

Rebecca said...

this is beautiful..thank you for sharing. i want my husband to read it. i'm off to read your wife's now.