Wednesday, May 18, 2011

.Wedded Wednesday.


What do you do when you know that your husband is NOT fulfilling his role, and won't--Flat out refuses?

Men, herein lies a fundamental problem. Our role is, in my opinion, relatively simple. (click here) The problem is, there are many ways to distort, ignore, dance around, or flat out abuse it!
For instance, we can simply tell our wives to submit... that is what they are supposed to do, right? So, as the leader, I may do any number of things that I so choose, and it is the wife's responsibility to accept that. So, if I want to go out to eat every lunch instead of saving for a date night, or if I want to spend a weekend with the fellas instead of hanging with my family-my choice-that's the benefit of being the leader, right?

Or, you can easily just step back, allow your wife to do the decision making. This is, in leadership terms, called delegation. My wife should submit to me, and I am willingly letting her do whatever she wants as far as purchases, up-keep of the home, bills, etc. I just ask that she not "bother me" with the day to day junk.

How 'bout this, a man can simply develop his/hers policy. This is often seen when two incomes are at play, and most of the time this has a very simple reason for coming about: Whatever he values the most ends up in the "his" column so he does not have to get a lot of yap yap about those things, while whatever she values can end up in the "hers" column so the husband won't ride her about that stuff. Then, you split down the middle all the junk neither of you care about, like mortgage, groceries, etc. Plus men, this is a convenient way to have a private line of credit for all those things you are "protecting her" from {you know, the porn habit, drinks, the other girl, or just an unlimited supply of ring dings out of the office vendor}.

Here's the deal:

The role that we are called to is not a domineering, egotistical, self serving position. Nor is it a responsibility set that can be pawned off on the next person down the leadership ladder {the wife}. And, counter-to-culture, it is not a 50/50 proposition. Our role is to love and lead our wife as Christ loves, leads the church {Ephesians 5:25}.

What does that look like?

Well, for Christ, it looked like sacrificing everything. It looked like giving up every luxury far beyond what this world offers, to be born in a stable, live a lowly existence with no home or bed, and die a wrongful death so that you and I could be pardoned for our sin.

For you, it means committing to daily lay aside self for the benefit of your wife and family. To daily ask yourself, "what can I lay down for her/them?" Is it more than you signed up for? No. Honestly, you may not have been educated or truly realized it when you said "I do," but this is what you signed up for.

Jesus knows how pathetically selfish we are, that is why He said to "love your neighbor as yourself" {Matt 22:39}. If your wife is nothing else, she is your neighbor... and the Bible says she is something else. She is one who should surpass the love of self. You should be willing to die a wrongful death for her redemption. You should be willing to give up every luxury you know. You should be willing to abandon even the most intimate relationship you have for the sake of her.

That is what your role is!

Embrace that, and you will never see your wife in the position this poor woman is, desperately crying out for a Godly leader. C'mon men, let's lead this thing!

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1 comment:

Bethany said...

Great thoughts, Jim! I am so glad you guys decided to do this together!